Dear The Bridal Guru,
I am a successful business owner. I have a sizeable savings account, investments and I own my home. My family is insistent on me getting a pre-nuptial agreement. I feel it’s going into the marriage with hesitation that this marriage may not work. I want to protect what I have built and accumulated. But, I want to go into this marriage with an open heart. He is the love of my life and I have waited a long time to meet this person. I don’t want to scare him off. What are your thoughts?
Pre-Nup Dilemma
Dear Pre-Nup Dilemma,
I know what’s like to spend years of your life, countless hours, blood, sweat and tears to build your business. Your family wants to protect this, as do you, it sounds. Your family also wants to protect you.
You sound like a smart and savvy business woman. I will tell you to follow your family’s advice. Right now, everything is lovely. But, I have seen this with other couples that when the marriage starts having problems, the partner that married into all this suddenly feels entitled for no other reason than being the spouse. Even though this person did not contribute to your success or wealth, they feel entitled to part of it. Protect yourself and protect your business. Get a pre-nuptial agreement!
Find a good attorney that will protect your assets. This does not mean you do not trust this person. This does not mean you do not love this person. But, if he loves you, he will understand and want you to protect your assets and he will want to protect his assets. It goes both ways. You both will need attorneys to come up with a pre-nuptial agreement and represent each of you. Do not use the same attorney. There is no way one attorney can effectively and fairly represent both of you. If it gets ugly, imagine what a divorce will look like.
Let me repeat: a pre-nuptial agreement does not mean your marriage will not make it. It is not a sign of pessimism or a doomed marriage. It is a legal document that protects both of you. Remember, he may have property that he wants to ensure stays within his family. Certainly if there are children involved, you both want to protect the children and make sure they will receive their inheritance should something happen to one of you.
Listen to your family and friends. It may make the engagement a little shaky, but your fiancée should understand this is for his benefit as well.
The Bridal Guru
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