Dear Bridal Guru,
I am lost. How soon after a bridal shower and how soon after receiving gifts do I need to send a thank you note? Lost in Laurel.
Dear Lost in Laurel,
My sweet mother always said immediately, but never more than seven days. Over the years, I heard you had up to a year to send a thank you note. That is too, too long. I believe the sooner, the better. With everyone’s busy schedule that can be hard, but if you set up a system of when the gifts come in and a deadline of when the thank you notes go out, it will not be so taxing.
Years ago, a couple, both from prominent families, married. I sent the creamer and sugar bowl from their fine china (and it was expensive) for their wedding gift. (The groom’s family were close friends and I exceeded my wedding gift budget for him.) The creamer and sugar bowl were not in stock, so they had to be ordered and then sent directly to the pair. I was assured this would be no more than two weeks.
About six weeks after I ordered their gift, I ran into the groom with a friend. He raved to my friend about her generous gift and said nothing to me. After he left, she said, “all I got him was a teaspoon for his everyday.” I called the store and they said the gift had been delivered. One year after their wedding date, I received a thank you note for the wrong gift. I immediately called and asked if they received the creamer and sugar bowl in their fine china, which they said they did. I told them that was the gift I gave them, not the two salad plates for which they thanked me. They apologized and did send another thank you note, thanking me for the correct gift but it left me with a sour taste in my mouth. It showed a lack of respect and that this couple received way more than they needed. Needless to say, when they both later remarried, I did not send a gift.
All this is to say, people take the time for you and to shop for you. Respect them by sending a thank you note in a timely manner. For the hosts and hostesses of a party, no more than two weeks. And for gifts received for your wedding, no more than three months. Ideally, it is best to send the thank you notes the next day after the gifts arrive.
As my mother taught me many years ago, set a goal of writing three to four to six notes a day and you will keep up with everything. Don’t wait until you are married to write your thank you notes; that’s a daunting task. There is so much to do after the wedding anyway. Besides, you will receive many gifts at the wedding, so if you are caught up before you leave on your honeymoon, you can come home without that disheartening job in front of you.
Enjoy the many parties and showers that are given for you! Enjoy the lovely gifts that have been loving shopped for by family and friends and thank everyone in a timely manner. The Bridal Guru.
Do you have a question about your wedding? Ask the Bridal Guru by emailing your question to ask@msbridalguru.com